Just talk more…

If you don’t have anything good to say…just say it anyway…

This article will mostly be written as a bit of a retrospective of last week… Mostly… I will try to keep as many references to people anonymous as possible so as to not give more information than is needed, but ultimately, you know who you are, how we interact and it just is what it is.

On Thursday I was invited to a meeting with a Company who wanted to discuss their strategic plans and financial model. Whilst I work with companies all the time, I normally work with much smaller and less established companies where I can bring a lot more of myself and my knowledge to the table.

The meeting went really well and subsequently it looks like we are going to work together in some capacity. However, this was the first time I actually felt like my experiences to date were worthwhile and that the knowledge I have gained over the years, combined with my own personality (post Breaking the Stigma), really provided value to a potential client.

I even received some incredible kindhearted words following the meeting as one of the people I meet decided to read all the articles here on miz7.com.

I have said this before (slide 3), but regardless of how well I come across, I feel like a fraud and that I really don’t deserve the praise I receive for doing what I’m doing. I am slowly learning to accept people who thank me and congratulate me, but it is a struggle every time as I value myself that low.

A simple conversation made me feel really positive about myself, something I haven’t felt in ages…

On Friday I saw my therapist (the most excellent Gemma Ridge) and talked through the previous few weeks of my life and I suddenly realised I was speaking positively about my life.

I wasn’t dwelling on questions or concerns, I was happy talking about what had happened and I was looking forward to the future. Sure, I had questions and there was uncertainty, but for the first time in a long time I was happy just saying “so what” and “I’ll figure it out if and when”.

As someone who has spent (terrifyingly) almost 18 months going through the emotional roller-coaster that comes with my experiences over the past two years, I was actually in a place where I could say and mean…

…things seem pretty good right now…

…and that is something I really haven’t been able to say in a long time. It was great. Hearing myself say those words really made a difference to me and gave me some confidence that my life could someday return to a state of well-being.

I was heading to London and was listening to ‘My Brother, My Brother and Me‘. Almost every other question the McElroy seemed to be answering was along the lines of…

…”So I like this girl AND…”

…and almost every answer was always…

…”just talk to them like a person and be honest.”

This seems like an obvious answer, but it’s surprising how hard it is to follow through with when you are a teenager going through puberty with issues of confidence.

I remember those times well (and other similar times not so well…).

It reminds me of the first time I actually felt the confidence to speak to a Partner at PwC (where I trained as an accountant) as a peer rather than a boss. I had realised that we are all equal, regardless of what a title says…we are all equal, regardless of what we earn…we are all equal, regardless of what our hobbies or our jobs are…we are all equal, regardless of our knowledge…

…We are all equal BECAUSE no-one is equal and EVERYONE is an individual. You are you and that in itself is special.

So to all those ‘My Brother, My Brother and Me‘ questioners; if you like someone, have a crush on them, think they’re beautiful and enjoy spending time with them; just tell them.

Even if they are seeing someone else, or are not interested, or respond in some other way, you have paid that person one of the greatest compliments there is to pay. Speak to them like your peer, like you friend, like anyone else! Your ‘relationship’ together in whatever form it takes will be so much better as a result.

In London, I proceeded to see my friends and catch up, reminiscing about old times and talking about current situations. On a number of situations (that I won’t go into in much detail to maintain their privacy), those involved along with myself were just…

…”Just fucking have the conversation and get some answers.”

As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety on a daily basis I find it tough to let go of a situation when I don’t understand everything that is going on and can’t see the bigger picture.

I float between ENTJ and INTJ depending on how socially active I am; both of which require me to be in control or in charge of the design of things.

When I am involved in a group activity or am working as a team, I find it hard to fully appreciate where I fit in the bigger picture as I cannot see what’s going on elsewhere in the grand design. This previously caused me no end of anxiety…

…until I just asked “what’s going on?”…”I feel lost.”…”What am I meant to be doing?”…”how do i fit into this team?”…

Once I started asking those questions and being honest with my peers and those in reporting lines to and from myself I felt so much better!

Now I still complained and wanted to change everything I disagreed with…but at least I knew what the art of the possible was now!

Closing

Whilst not a revelation, it is important to know that you can talk.

That is the whole point behind Breaking the Stigma and what miz7.com is about.

It is why I will keep talking without a verbal filter. It is why I will continue running ‘Ask Me

Anything’ events online or over on Twitch.

Please just keep talking to one another.

You can follow along on Twitch, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Discord.

Thank you

Andrew Salkeld